Tag from Darth
Dear *thirteen year old self,
You are full of unflagging optimism that will serve you well in years to come so don’t fret. I know you are concerned that you always expect the best, it’s fine. I want to reassure you that you WILL, eventually, have a feminine body to replace the bony, clumsy, stick-figure that you inhabit at present – you will be pleased – trust me. I fear it will be awhile, so occupy yourself otherwise.
I will not tell you of the tragedies to come lest you try to avoid them, for before the pain comes your life’s happiness. Follow the path you have already chosen as regards love. You do not yet understand the true meaning of that relationship but you will in the fullness of time. Do not let anyone deter you from that path, including Himself.
If I could change one thing for you it would be the instinctive need for secrecy and subterfuge that you are developing due to your enviroment. It will serve you in the short run, but unless you can distance yourself from it now I fear it will become as natural as breathing, and will distance you from the life you desire in later years.
I wish you would relax a bit – you do NOT ALWAYS have to be the best. It’s all right to do your best without pushing yourself to do even better EVERY time. Strive for excellence, yes; but give yourself a break will you?
Don’t worry over the whole ‘family thing’. That will be made clear to you in time, and even though painful – it is without doubt the best way. I know you have begun to wonder and question your situation in the world – just let it lie for now. Trust me.
Don’t go swimming in the firth on your birthday next! The month of pneumonia is not worth winning the dare. Back down for the first time in your life. If you don’t, the lesson of the Seven Samurai will be one that you don’t learn until you are forty!
Relax about your hair! It does not always have to look good, that’s why there are hats and tiebacks. If you don’t relax about it now I can tell you that you are going to spend a good deal of time in your future futzing about it – time you could use to better advantage. Just keep that whole Renaissance Princess theme going…
I wish I could save you from the pain and guilt that is coming but you will survive it, and you will find a different kind of happiness later, but happiness nonetheless. Do not listen to those (none of them Scots by the way) who tell you the “stoic” mindset is a bad one. You hold fast.
As far as I can tell from this vantage you are on the right spiritual road, so stick to that unless we find something that proves us wrong. Continue to be loving and trusting, it may be the harder road but it has great rewards.
Oh yes, would you have some photographs made and put them aside? You have someone in the future who wants to ‘see’ your past. You are a compassionate and loving child. As I look back now I’m glad to have known you. You are funny and relentlessly curious, those are good traits. The talents you don’t’ have you can appreciate in others, you don’t have to be able to do everything. Eat up and get plenty of rest, you have a very full life coming up.
I really want to hear what jmb, Sicily Scene, and Dulwichmum have to say to their thirteen-year-old selves!
Now, for the next two to three weeks I have to be on the road. Something has come up that I must do before Paris. I will do my best and should be able to post something every three days or so. I will not be able to answer comments as I normally do, or do much, if any, visiting. I will find occasion to play catch-up and address all comments. Happy Holidays (whatever holiday you choose, or none) to all!
*****and on Sunday the fresh blood trails….