Tuesday, 22 September 2009

a night for a nap the next day!

It’s five a.m. now but when I woke it was 0330hrs. Arghh! What do you do when you can’t sleep, and I don’t mean that tossing and turning around ten or eleven p.m. but the wake up call your body turns on around three or four a.m.? My husband reads himself back to sleep; I watch movies that I have seen at least twelve times so I don’t have to listen to the dialogue, or I get up and work. Now I just need to learn the art of napping; a skill I don’t possess.

But then the rough nights when I wake from a screaming nightmare, these are more frequent than I care to admit, and do my new husband’s slumber no good, are more difficult to make a recovery, like tonight. When I tell you that I’ve had an interesting life, that means it has some hairy and downright terrifying parts as well – these apparently stay with one.

For years, when I was involved in a certain type of work, we had regular psyche evaluations and the chap I always had wrote the word “stoic” in my evaluation like it was a bad thing. I never got that. For years, I don’t even remember where I got it or when, but I have had a sampler hanging in my home: “Please understand there is no depression in this house and we are not interested in the possibilities of defeat. They do not exist.” - Victoria, Queen of England. I found nothing unusual or troubling in this quote or philosophy.

Now my love tells me there is this condition called PTSS of which I have heard but certainly never applied to myself; and which has an amazing dearth of information on the Net. I have always taken the nightmares and the occasional bouts of grief to be payment due on my karmic debt. I’ve never done anything in that respect that I am ashamed of, or that if forced into the situation I would not do again – but violence always exacts a price, and perhaps it is higher from a woman – we are after all the ones who give life.

So on nights like this there is very little chance of returning to sleep and I’m watching “The Longest Day”. Yes, I know, interesting choice – but holy crap they have everyone in this film! I’m amazed it was made in 1962, it seems it should have been made earlier. My boys John Wayne and Robert (to die for) MItchem, as well as Henry Fonda, Eddie Albert, Paul Anka, Jean-Louis Barrault, Bourvil, Richard Burton, Red Buttons, Sean Connery, Irina Demick, Fabian, Mel Ferrer, Steve Forrest, Rod Steiger, Paul Hartmann, Peter Lawford, Roddy McDowall, Sal Mineo, Robert Ryan, Tommy Sands, George Segal, Robert Wagner, Stuart Whitman, and on and on! It’s in black and white and the special effects are nothing like the present day but it gets your blood up if you are English, American or French I must say. Also my wedding date she said, with a significance difference of year!

Peter Crawford wears a turtleneck into battle and bagpipes lead Sir Sean Connery through the surf into battle! I love it!

Do go over to Powder Room Graffiti for me if you will and read and comment on my article. Thank you lovely readers.



jmb said...

Well you know the Americans! They always have to have a name for it, or a scientific diagnosis, some kind of label. Not always a good thing my dear because nothing is that simple although they like to think it is so. Often they tend to look no further and that can lead to big problems and to completely missing something which is just as important.

We all have PTSS in one way or another depending on our toughness. My big event occurred when I was 17, suicide of my father and all the consequential issues for the family. I'm sure I've told you. I toughed it out until my thirties when I found I was mature enough to look back on that time and reflect about it. Then I moved on. I am probably scarred by it still, but I'm a survivor, as are you.

Your coping mechanism seems just fine to me, The Longest Day to get you through the longest night.

lady macleod said...

Dear jmb
And THAT would be why I love you. Thank you friend, if ever there were a perfect response. And I agree, I think we do the best we can when we can, which has also allowed me to forgive the people in my past who needed it - did me more good than them, but that was the point eh?
Thank you for coming by. ALWAYS good to see you. Email soon I promise!

Ian Lidster said...

My wife suffers from nightmares that awaken her. I rarely do, even though I've led a rather more tempestuous life (at times) than has she. But, I do get the early morning awakening sort of insomnia and I find that hugely galling. As it is -- on a normal day -- I am awake by 4:30 and usually arise then. I don't want to, but I do.

REgarding the Longest Day. When I was in my early 20s I was told I looked like Robt. Mitchum. I was flattered as he has always been one of my favorites -- just watch Night of the Hunter for major chills. But, on the subject of D-Day, you forgot to mention the Canadian Troops. We were there -- and died there in huge numbers.

lady macleod said...

My apologies to you and all my Canadian friends! I think of you all so kindly I simply assume you are all Scots! :-)

"Night of the Hunter" -good, but what about he and Marilyn Monroe in "River of no Return" - ooh la la baby!

Thank you for coming by.

dana said...

Oh honey. Welcome to my nightmares. I've posted about them so often. My life has been the life of deaths, living deaths, and traumatic encounters of the "as seen on COPS" kind, and my nightmares will NOT let me forget. You'll be mentioned on my blog this Friday with a link-back to this site.

lady macleod said...

I'm saddened to say I think we are in a big club more's the pity.
Thank you for coming by and thank you very much for the mention and link - that's very kind.