I so want to grow up and be able to write like Maureen Dowd!

July 1, 2009
OP-ED COLUMNIST
Rules of the Wronged

By MAUREEN DOWD
WASHINGTON

Stay focused, ladies. Here is The Practical Guide to Help Spurned Political Wives Survive Old Problems in the Era of New Technology.

1. Skip the press conference, especially when your husband is copping to call girls, gay pickups in airport bathrooms or “tragic” and “forbidden” telenovela-style love stories. Stoicism at the skunk’s side is overrated and, as Larry Craig’s wife learned, sunglasses don’t help.

2. When there’s an Associated Press bulletin quoting your husband saying that he has found his soul mate but he’s going to try to fall back in love with you, change the locks. (At your second home, too.)

3. If you can’t maintain a dignified Silda Spitzer silence; if you can’t find a girlfriend, a shrink, a personal trainer, a hairdresser or a yoga teacher to confide in; if you must unburden yourself of your fury about your loser husband, go to Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton or even Deepak Chopra before crying to The A.P. A news wire is not a spiritual adviser.

4. When your husband turns into a Harlequin romance, babbling to The A.P. — yes, even The A.P. thought it was T.M.I. — about a magical encounter on an open-air dance floor in Uruguay, “a soul that touches yours in a way that no one’s ever has,” and the “left brain and right brain” compartmentalization of “the world of ideas that impact this country and state” and “the pursuit of happiness, whatever that is,” just beat it.

5. If you think the worst is over, it’s probably only beginning. On Tuesday, after you thought Mark Sanford had already emoted and burbled more than any man in history, he volunteered to The A.P. (again!) that he had “crossed lines” with a handful of women on trips out of the country, but only “crossed the ultimate line” with his enchanting Maria. And just when you thought John Edwards could not sink any lower, there is news of a sex tape, in which Rielle Hunter shows off her skills not only in videography but pornography.

6. No matter how revolting your husband’s behavior is, don’t be passive-aggressive in public. Refrain from making any remarks that have a veneer of dignity but derogatory subtexts that sound like: “We’re trying to reconcile but it’s going to be tough because he has irreparably damaged my children” or “He has no integrity and I want my kids to have integrity” and “Sure, I’d like to give him a chance if he weren’t such a sleazeball.”

7. Don’t bring the children into it. They suffer enough being the kids of politicians. In the era of Facebook, texting, Google and iPhones, calling him out as a bad father will just go viral in the kids’ circles. Don’t trot out the family on “Oprah,” as Elizabeth Edwards did, or weepily show The A.P. the report cards of your two oldest sons from their elite private school in Columbia, S.C., as Jenny Sanford did.

8. Even if you’re a clever, competent woman, you risk sounding like a stereotypical harridan if you use the kids as a bludgeon and tell the press, as Jenny did: “You would think that a father who didn’t have contact with his children, if he wanted those children, he would toe the line a little bit.” When kids are involved, it’s best to chill when dishing out revenge.

9. Don’t slam his girlfriend for lying when you know she’s telling the truth. Don’t refer to the baby your rival had with your husband as “it.” Don’t trash a mistress, as Hillary and Elizabeth did, as a wacky stalker. No one — except the wife — blames the girlfriend as much as they blame the husband. Besides, you invite The Other Woman’s retaliation, as when Rielle decided — after watching Elizabeth spill to Oprah — that she might want that DNA test after all.

10. High-powered women like Hillary, Elizabeth and Jenny who give up their careers to focus on their husbands’ ambitions feel doubly betrayed. But it’s not your husband’s fault if you sacrifice more for the relationship than he does. Like an investor in a down market, you took a risk without a guarantee it would pay off. If you make your husband your career and you lose your husband, you lose your career, too.

11. Cut your losses and keep going. Don’t let yourself get dragged into his drama or your reputation may follow his down the well. Hillary refused to let that happen. She salvaged her long investment in Bill Clinton and turned a profit when she became a senator.

12. As you stay out of the spotlight that singes your husband, listen to whatever messages he is sending you through the press. When your husband says that is a world-class love story, ask him what this is. Just don’t do it through The A.P.


Copyright 2009 The New York Times Company
Privacy Policy Terms of Service Search Corrections RSS First Look Help Contact Us Work for Us Site Map

Happiness aside, the news is bothering me today!

First up – the Cap n’ Trade Bill that passed the house in the shadow of Michael Jackson-news-all-the-time-all-the-networks. If one reads the sneaky fine print, I don’t think this is a good idea. I tried to find the bill online to actually read it, but could only find sites to read about it. As you can see on the link above the Energy Czar hasn’t bothered to read the entire thing. What?
A couple of opposing view points:
Mr. Beck (whom I really dislike as he is fast and loose at times, but not always, with his “facts” and unlike Fox’s Mr. O’Reilly is NOT charming). I’m a CNN girl, but you can’t argue with the opposition unless you know what they are saying; and sometimes they are correct.
The International Herald Tribune (which in the interest of disclosure has been purchased by the New York Times)
From The Economist ( the one that put the scare in me and had me up this morning writing letters to U.S. senators)

Then I hear about this – the FDA (the same people who passed Viagra in six months but took six years to pass a sunscreen that protects against both kinds of harmful rays from the sun) has decided that (and yes this is a personal issue for me) those who suffer from chronic pain should just suck it up. They are proposing to eliminate Vicodin, Percocet, and to lower the dosages of acetaminophen in the over the counter drugs that people use for arthritis, acute injuries, muscle pain, etc. This site is apparently (I’m still reading) a place one can go to protest this proposal- unfortunately I see by 30 June 2009. I’m looking to see who else can be contacted. Pain medication makes the lives of many chronic pain sufferers bearable, for those like me it increases significantly the quality of life on a day-to-day basis. Doctors (trust me) are skittish enough about prescribing pain medication even when clearly indicated.

What do you think?

LOOK that that FACE!

I'm head over heels so excited - see, the Universe knows what she's doing! I was meant to have THIS cat. He is coming Sunday 5 July! I've been shopping all day, found all I need; now to research a good vet. The trick is to find one who loves and handles a lot of cats, not just dogs (I love you pups you know that, but...).

I wanted to give you a preview and I shall keep you updated. Soooooooooooooo excited!

You can see him here with the other adorables of this fine breeder.

Ciao

I just have to say this..

Perhaps it's an 'age thing' but I don't really believe that. I'm sick of the Michael Jackson coverage! I can't watch CNN or even (gasp) FOX for the endless tributes. Yes, he was very talented. Yes he made a major impact on the music and culture scene. YES he was a troubled man who had a troubled interaction with young boys if not a proven pedophile, and I don't find that worthy of praise or note.

Why are we not talking about how that sickness affected his life and perhaps destroyed lives of those around him? Did he not use his money and fame to protect himself from punishment or help? Did he not pay off millions of dollars as hush money to various families of young boys?

I do not find this behavior worthy of praise and I resent having to turn off the news that I normally listen to in the morning while performing chores and instead have to sit and pick through the newspaper to find what ELSE is happening in the world. And yes, for me, his behavior overshadowed his talent and that I find sad, but none the less true. Not a popular view I'm sure, but there you have it.

Ciao

THis is too funny not to share...

This is from my sister-inlaw: This is a real video from a French documentary about Africa. You won't
understand a word (Not necessarily the case!), but the video is a hoot.

There are trees that grow in Africa which, once a year, produce very juicy
fruits that contain a large percentage of alcohol. Because there is a
shortage of water, as soon as the fruits are ripe, animals come there
to help protect themselves from the heat.

I love my readers....

I'm quite desperate to finish the ten articles I owe Powder Room (fantastic new web site) and my last few chapters of the book before the writer's conference in July! All while putting the new house in order, as well as the garden, getting back in shape, hiring a housekeeper, being a Mom and a Stepmother, and a kick ass wife! I need a nap!

AND I BROKE MY FOOT! ARhhhhhhhhhhh...

Ciao lovely readers.

Dear lovely readers,

Forgive my silence but my life has overtaken my keyboard! Today is the day before my wedding – my wedding to a man who I can say is my true love; and whom I find I love more now than I did the first time – and that surprises me no end! And yes there have been many comments as to the date – D Day, make of it what you will.

It proves my long held belief, that while there is evil in the world, there is also magic. I am a standing, walking, talking rebuttal of every statistic about a ‘woman my age’. I am 59 years old and as giddy as a schoolgirl. Kissing, hugging, touching, holding hands, touching his face, and all that other good stuff – oh my! Yeahsureyoubetcha’!

And I am terrified. Oh yes I am. I spent much of the morning with tears rolling down my face (and the humorous input of the new not-waterproof mascara giving me such a face as for a clown!) and J forced me to talk to him – smart man. I am terrified to have more people in my life to love. There is not just J, but his children D and S whom I already have come to love. Three more people for whom I (foolishly I admit) feel responsible – for their happiness, for their future, for their very lives. Because years ago the Universe gave me everything I wanted and then in the time it takes for a bullet to traverse three feet – it took it all away.

It took me years to be brave enough to love someone again; and then the Universe gave me my heart walking on two tiny feet – Q. And yes, I did and still do fear every single day that ‘something’ will happen to take her away from me. But that fear is so overshadowed by the overwhelming love I feel every time I see that face, or hear her voice, or call up a memory; it is of no moment.

And as my soon-to-be husband reminded me this morning I’m not such a coward that I will give away this wonderful chance for more people to love. I won’t. I will be afraid every day; but I will not give into that fear. I will not throw away love, and lust (wonderful stuff!), and laughter, and a future that looks like more fun than swimming with dolphins while blowing bubbles with fairy dust (paint your own picture).

I want to share this with you all. I want us all to reach every day for every bit of joy we can handle and then grab some more. It is amazing when you are well and truly happy; I find people come up to me, give me things, find an excuse to speak to me – it is because they sense that deep recess of humming joy and want to be near it.

I am so blessed. I am so grateful. I am grateful that the evil I have seen and the tragedy I have experienced have taught me to appreciate every moment, every ray of sunshine, and every touch of the breeze on my face, every hug, every kiss, every laugh.

And so yes, I will marry this wonderful, sexy, funny, smart man; and I will taste every moment of it with all my senses. I will allow him to pamper me, and hover over me, and worry about me. I will love his children and continue to love my own. I will cry when they have any upset or tragedy and I will rejoice when they have every accomplishment and joy.

Q is staying over for a week so I will be entertaining her and catching up on her life. I will try not to be so very long between posts. After that week it’s back to work for me! Boxes or no – I have a writer’s conference in July to be ready for and a deadline to meet for some articles. This being happy business takes up so much time she said grinning ear to ear.

Ciao!