Wednesday, 29 August 2007

a new day

I couldn’t do it yesterday. In spite of all my brave words, which I DO mean, about Q starting her next adventure – I was desolate at her departure. I am better now. As I reminded myself when I woke to an empty house this morning – she is not dead, she is merely away. Away for all the best reasons, and how lucky am I to have had another year of her presence every day at this stage in her life? I was prepared (I think, I was prepared) to have no more long stints of time with her once she left for university. Hence my packing up of our house, and hitting the flight path for points north, east, and south. Having lost a child I know I practiced over-protecting parenting for which I make no apologies, but I am determined not to practice smothering parenting. I have already told you the tale of how she came back to me for long periods of time during her university days and after graduation. You know the story of Morocco so I shan’t bore you with repetition (if by any chance I didn't tell you, or you want to know - just ask!).

She is safely in America with A and says there “is such a story” of the journey there. I take it she is too tired, and more likely too busy to write the details just yet. I shall keep you updated. I leave to your imagination for the present a 4000-mile journey with a cat, a computer, and all her worldly goods for the past year along with gifts for family and friends – across an ocean, a culture, a language, and a century.

Last night I was doing something I know a few of my readers especially, and you know who you are, will appreciate. I have turned Q’s bedroom into a closet! Whoo hoo. A huge walk in closet. I love it. The bed remains so that with only a bit of notice I can still accommodate guests. Now I can more easily move a table upstairs to my bedroom for writing this winter if I choose. I am not a person who likes to spread out. Perhaps growing up in a place so huge I developed a need for a close quiet personal space? I know not, only that it is so. Every time in my life that I have found myself alone, I have collapsed the bigger area into a smaller one. For now I would be just as happy with only the upstairs of my little house. For this reason and those of geography, I am contemplating a move to the Souissi/Agdal side of town, though I am reluctant to relinquish my proximity to the sea. Q on the other hand is with the majority of people I think, she likes to spread out. What makes that difference I wonder? Do you prefer a small posh place or a larger area to live?

I spent this morning standing on the wonderfully chilly ice rink in the Mega Mall taking photographs of the Moroccan Curling team for my article. The photographer I hired was not able to come for some unspecified reasons – this being Morocco it could be too hot, too cold, his shoes were dirty, his mother is ill, or a holiday – Inshallah. Nicolas and team members were lovely giving me their time and posing for my ‘action’ shots. The photography session is a testament to the fact I am a writer.

I am fascinated and not a little concerned with developments in Pakistan. That is the true hot spot for now I believe. The Sipah-e-Sahaba/Pakistan (SSP) retains its hold in the Punjab and throughout the country really. It does not shirk from using terrorists’ tactics and has sworn violence should the U.S. send armed forces into the country as Cheney has said is his intent. Now former Prime Minister Bhutto has set a deadline for Musharraf to respond to demands that she be allowed a power-sharing position with him. That she feels confident enough to make the threat and the Supreme Court decision last week to allow the return of Nawaz Sharif (who has his own web site) (her opposition for power), all points out Musharraf’s declining power base. I don’t think this is a good thing for the area. For all his dictatorial ways (democracy is not a cure all) he has held Pakistan together and the extremists, the SSP among them, in check. With the military and the head of government on opposite sides I am not at all sure this can continue. On the other hand if the U.S. keeps showing their support for him so blatantly he could be killed. I would ask subtlety from the Yanks.

The latest word from CNN, who pays their reporters better than the majority of intelligence agencies around the world pay their agents, and thus has the most up to date news, says that Musharraf and Bhutto have reached a consensus. Musharraf will take off his military uniform. I can only assume we are speaking metaphorically here, not in the privacy of his home or hers. (Sorry couldn’t resist that one). In exchange Musharraf will secure another five-year term as president. I can only surmise he will do what is necessary in order to retain his control of the military through other means, or other men. Sharif no doubt is happy for the two of them, but will file protest with the courts against Musharraf having another five-year term.

Both Sharif and Bhutto are conducting their political coup from London. You have to love the historical irony of that.

As a closing item, the infamous hotelier Leona Helmsley left $12M in trust for her dog, and nothing for two of her grandchildren who have offended her in some way, and ‘only’ five million apiece to the other two on the stipulation they visit their father’s grave once a year. The thought process boggles the mind eh? What I do think was wise is that she left millions of dollars to her brother who is to care for the dog, so he has no reason to skimp on dog food…


Pamela Jeanne said...

Ah, yes, the empty house syndrome and the desire to keep busy and distracted so that the silence doesn't overwhelm. In my own totally different way, I can relate.

Sounds like you've got some good ways to entertain as you adjust to Q's departure.

And, Morocco has a curling team? Fascinating tidbit.

Ian Lidster said...

As a Canadian I find the idea of Moroccan curling to be, at the very least, delightfully strange. By the way, I have never curled, just in case you might have thought all Canadians do.
I must confess, My Lady, I love reading all your tales. What a wonderful writer you are, and what a superb story teller. So glad I found you.
So, dear Leona left her money to her dogs. Why am I not surprised. Unrepentently awful to the very end. You have to kind of admire that.

Winchester whisperer said...

Moving is a hard decision - you may miss Q less if you move to a new place. On the other hand, you make take comfort from familiar surroundings if you're feeling lonely. Location, location , location and all that may mean that it makes sense to move to the "best" area: you could perhaps find some interesting new neighbours whilst still keeping in touch with your old ones and perhaps the electricity would be more reliable?

lady macleod said...

pamela jeane

yes, I always have a plan, and just in case that doesn't work out, I have a backup plan, and in case that goes arye I have a good book.

I know! a Curling team! how about just the fact we have a ice rink?

thank you for coming by... I am coming over to your place to ask a favor..

lady macleod said...


I am considering taking the comments from you and annie and posting them to read whenever I get the oh-what-was-I-thinking-when-I-said-I
could-write-a-book-scaries. Thank you!

I assume the idea of Curling in Morocco is equally strange to those who do Curl as I was engaged by the World Curling Federation to write an article on the Curling here. I must say it looks good fun.

I don't think anyone who knew of Mrs. Helmsley was surprised (she left 3 million for the cleaning of her crypt - because she knew the dog can't wield a mop?)at her bequests.

thank you for coming by.

lady macleod said...

winchester whisperer

It's a dilemma as you say. You make worthy points. In any case I shall do nothing until I return from traveling in October.

thank you for coming by.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

And where are you traveling to? Are you going to follow the Moroccan curling team around? They sound a bit like the Jamaican Bobsledding team. Don't move too quickly, though. See if you get to like the house with just you in it. Leona Helmsley! What a bitch to the end!

Omega Mum said...

I haven't got to the stage of empty house so, at the moment, relish the occasional silence. Can't imagine what it would be like for this to be the default condition, though. You are wonderful.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Lady M, you must have been devastated. I didn't know you had lost a child and I am so sorry. But at least you know M is safe - with cat, bless her! I see exactly what you mean about "turning big spaces into small ones" - it's almost as if we need to hug ourselves [which isn't a bad idea]. I'm just trying to imagine Moroccan curling.... I see the historical irony in Bhutto / Sharif planning from London, too. Auguri from Sicily.

Kaycie said...

My eldest just started a new job yesterday. She was gone all evening yesterday and again this evening. I miss her presence. I know Q is older and beginning her own life and what you're experiencing is tenfold, but I think I understand. Sending good thoughts your way.

Stay at home dad said...

That's an epitaph isn't it? 'Not dead, merely away.'

Yes, nice to have another year, but we are all greedy for more aren't we...

Annie said...

It must have been so hard saying goodbye, even if it is only goodbye for now. Been there too many times not to know how much it hurts.

lady macleod said...


Bless your heart. I can tell you miss your mum. Thank you for the kind words, and

thank you for coming by.

lady macleod said...

stay at home dad

Yes, I rather like that for an epitaph, though I favor, "I'll be back"

Always greedy..

thank you for coming by.

lady macleod said...


You are getting a taste of it. A job is such a moral booster isn't it? They value the new independence more than any money I think. I appreciate the good thoughts.

thank you for coming by.

lady macleod said...


Not only is she safe, she managed a first class trans-atlantic seat!! Both of them did.

thank you for coming by.

lady macleod said...

omega mum

Thank you for the very kind words, needed just now.

thank you for coming by.

lady macleod said...


..."bitch to the end." I do so love your ability to cut right to the heart of the matter!

Following the Curling Team around sounds a bit of a lark. I'll float that idea.

If I move it's just across town. I am going to Marrakesh in October, then Istanbul (yes, Hamman!}, then to Canada, and I am thinking of going to UAE in November or December.

thank you for coming by.

dulwichmum said...

Poor, poor friend. Both of my children started big school today (not nursery) and ran in the door with so much as a goodbye... I sense ongoing loss from this point. This is just so very hard, being a parent and watching them fly.

However, I would really prefer a large space in a posh area myself but I know where you are coming from. I am the most pretentious person I know!

Stay close to the sea, be happy.

lady macleod said...


But I do so enjoy your pretention! So the little ones are hitting the yellow brick road eh? It is not a loss my friend, just another adventure. Think of all the outfits you will need for the upcoming ceremonies!

thank you for coming by.

jmb said...

Lady Mac, the moving on bug has struck again, even if it's just across town.
Did Q move all the carpets too? I'm sure she's fine in NYC,as it's hot here too, so she'll feel she hasn't changed location at all. Except she probably now has airconditioning instead of a fan. And they speak English, sort of.

debio said...

You are an inspiration, lady m; such positive thinking and working to a plan.

Delighted to hear your daughter arrived safely - the 'limbo' time of travelling is quite the worst, I find.